TestArgue properly!?


Arguing is part of life. How do you argue properly? It’s up to you!

Arguing is part of life. It would be boring if people always agreed with one another. By arguing we get to know one another. It helps to understand what people like and don’t like. Arguments can be loud and intense. They shouldn’t make you feel afraid, intimidate you or be used as a way of hurting or dominating someone.

How do you argue properly? It’s up to you!

I shout at the other person until he/she gives up.

That’s not arguing. Arguing is when two or more people discuss something. It’s not a way of destroying the other person.

I say what I feel and hope the other will understand me.

It takes courage to show and speak your feelings. It’s OK to hope that the other person will understand you. But you can’t demand it. If you like someone, you can assume that they’ll be interested in knowing what makes you tick.

I tell the other person that I am angry and that what I’m saying might not sound nice.

It’s good to know that your tone reflects your feelings and is not because of the person you’re arguing with. You take responsibility for how you act. Another person can enrage you, but the way you react depends on yourself.

I stick to the subject of what is angering me and don’t bring up old stories.

An important point in arguing properly. I’m sure you don’t like it when you are criticised again for all the old problems. If you manage to stay on the topic that’s bothering you, you have a much better chance of being listened to.

I have better arguments so I’ll win the argument.

Is it about winning? An argument isn’t a contest. It shouldn’t serve to see who’s the strongest. Arguing should be an exchange of differing opinions. You can be in full agreement, agree on some points, or realise that your points of view are too far apart. There are no winners or losers.

I listen.

This is the greatest trick in communication! Most people can talk, loudly or softly, confidently or shyly, amusingly or seriously. But listening? Strange as it may sound, most people want to be heard. Listening requires patience, genuine interest and trust that your point of view will also be heard.

I ask if the other person understands what I’m saying.

You might think sometimes that you know what the other person is thinking. It’s good to check on this. Ask whether what you think is correct. Then the other person can agree, add something or correct you. And you know what it’s really about.Manchmal denkst du vielleicht, du weißt, was in anderen vor sich geht. Es ist gut, Gedanken zu überprüfen. Frage, ob das, was du denkst, stimmt. Dann kann der oder die andere dir Recht geben, dich ergänzen oder korrigieren. Und du weißt, woran du wirklich bist.

I say what I need to so that I feel better.

It takes courage to say what you need to so that you feel better. That helps to turn words into actions. If everyone knows the changes that are desired, they can start to act on them. This usually results in a compromise, but it’s better than nothing.

If I don’t know what to say, I should use physical violence.

Doesn’t work at all! Never! Under no circumstances! But if you can see the connection between ‘nothing else to say’ and the feeling that you want to be physical violent, then you are already more advanced than others. You know what makes you feel helpless and vulnerable.

Perhaps you’re not a very good talker, while your mother can talk you into a corner. Agree on a signal so she knows when she’s gone too far. You can also ask for a break or write down what you want to discuss. As you can see, there are many alternatives to hitting someone.

I don’t deliberately hurt or insult anyone.

In everything that we do, we should be as honest with ourselves as possible and be aware of why we do something and with what intention. Words and deeds that hurt unintentionally are nevertheless hurtful, but you can apologise and say with a good conscience ‘I really didn’t mean it.’